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White Lies – Illustration only

What should I do when my friend is dating a monster? Illustration only

Synopsis

Beit Hillel

Beit Hillel

You should always praise a bride
for her beauty.
you cannot offend someone
just  because of truth.
see the Talmudic debate here

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Beit Shamai

Beit Shamai

Always!?
and what if she is ugly?
You cannot lie!!
praise her, for what she is.
see the Talmudic debate here

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sources

Summary

Seinfeld’s dilemma of truth versus compassion was compared to a Talmudic debate about how to complement an ugly bride. While both values are considered very important in the Jewish tradition , Beit Hilllel claimed that you cannot offend someone for the sake of sticking to the truth. An interesting rebuttal was made that this will lead to a phony polite society where you can never know what others are thinking of you (as illustrated in the Seinfeld ugly baby episode).

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The Edited Issue

  • Alana Spellman

    In terms of the ugly baby episode, I think this is a situation where you must lie. A baby is… In terms of the ugly baby episode, I think this is a situation where you must lie. A baby is a sensitive issue enough where not a single parent wants to think that their child is ugly. The emotions and love attached to the baby are so strong that if any friend tells the parents it is ugly is a huge insult. Even if the parents recognize the fact that the baby is ugly, they find the  cute aspects of the child and that is all that they want to see. (צפיה בדעה במקור)

  • עדינה גוטליב

    In telling the parents that their baby is ugly, you are only inflicting harm. Because there is neither a solution nor… In telling the parents that their baby is ugly, you are only inflicting harm. Because there is neither a solution nor a way to improve their problem, there is no reason to give your negative opinion. While you do not necessarily have to lie about their baby being good looking - as that would be an intentional lie - you also shouldn't inflict pointless pain. (צפיה בדעה במקור)

  • אלכס רויזמן

    In the Seinfeld baby scenario, I would not say that the baby is ugly. Regarding the unattractive bride in the… In the Seinfeld baby scenario, I would not say that the baby is ugly. Regarding the unattractive bride in the case of the Talmud, Beit Hillel said that you should not acknowledge her ugliness, but rather compliment her despite her looks, since there is no going back for either the bride or her husband. Similarly, in the case of the baby, the parents can’t go back and they are stuck with their ugly child so there is not point in acknowledging its unattractiveness. On the other hand, pertaining to the unattractive bride in the case of the Talmud, Beit Shammai said that you must distance yourself from lying. Perhaps in the case of the ugly baby, you can follow Beit Shammai’s opinion by avoiding any comments having to do with the baby’s looks. That way you won’t have to say the truth that the baby is ugly or a lie and claim that the baby is beautifu. (צפיה בדעה במקור)

  • Ari Spellman

    I think that with the ugly baby scenario, it would be pointless to tell the parents that their baby is… I think that with the ugly baby scenario, it would be pointless to tell the parents that their baby is ugly. Not only would it hurt their feelings, but it would not change the looks of the baby. It would make the parents happy if you told them a white lie, it would keep the peace. As in the story with Avraham, if even God is lying to keep the peace surely we should too. (צפיה בדעה במקור)

Main Sources

“מדבר שקר תרחק” | הרב שרלו

A shiur about lies and Tora

Linked Issues